Proverbs 15:4
Children
need kind words when they are hurting. They need to know that someone cares
about them and their pain. They need to know that they are not alone. Have you
ever felt alone, misunderstood, underappreciated, unnoticed? What do you need
in that moment?
Our
proverb today tells us that gentle words bring life. Nothing crushes a child
more than an insensitive word when they are hurting. Kids get two messages at
that moment. They hear that other people can’t be trusted to help and that they
are not worth helping. If the message is only delivered once, and is
counterbalanced with lots of care and kindness, then it probably won’t have
lifelong consequences. But if the pattern of crushing words is repeated, the
spirit gets crushed.
Both
of these messages make having adult relationships difficult. If we don’t think
other people can be trusted to be there for us when we need them, we can become
bitter and resentful of them. The world becomes a very difficult place to walk
through, because other people can’t be trusted to protect you. In fact, you are
the only one that can be trusted. Offers of help or closeness are often heard
with skepticism, because your history tells you that people will hurt you, they
will pull the rug out from under you at the last minute.
The
other message, that you are not worth helping, is equally damaging. We have
labeled this “low self-esteem” in our contemporary culture. Low self-esteem is
the internalization of this second message. We learn that we are not worth
other people’s care or concern. We are failures. We never will amount to
anything. We are just like our _______. These words can crush us, even as an
adult.
A
soothing tongue, a gentle word: these can make all the difference. Research tells
us that it takes about twenty positive messages to counterbalance a negative
message. So get busy with those positive, supporting messages. We could all use
some more of them.