Proverbs 15:28
One
of the greatest lessons I have learned over my many years is to pause before
giving an answer. Those little pauses have saved me so many headaches. And
during that pause I try to ask myself a couple of questions. Maybe you want to
start to do the same thing.
The
first question I ask is this: do they really want an answer or are they testing
the waters? Many people do not deal directly with what they want. They scramble
around the edges. I will always answer a sincere question, but I will often not
answer others. The sincere question gives me a window into a person’s heart. If
they open it, I want to be sensitive to the work of the Spirit and use that
opening for the furthering of the Gospel. And in that answer I want to be sure
I meet the need, if I am able, of the person asking.
Slowing
down your answer gives you time to not react. Answers given out of reaction
seldom are good answers. They often come from a defensive posture. When I feel
threatened I don’t often make myself vulnerable by being honest. That is why
assessing the questioner’s motives is important. They may be asking in a way
that puts you in a defensive posture, but they may be truly seeking an answer.
The
second question that runs through my mind is this: how will my answer reflect the
glory and grace of God? I want every human encounter to be one in which the
Holy Spirit can dwell. Since I am made in His image, I want my life, and even
my answers, to reflect His character. So I slow down my answers.
If
the question comes by email, which is often how questions come to me, I write
my response and then save it in drafts. I take a break, sometimes for a day,
and go back and reread my answer to be sure it says what I want it to say in a
way that honors Him. If it is a question asked directly to me, face to face,
then I slow down and begin a conversation. If the question is an attack, I really
slow it down. Attacks usually come because they feel threatened themselves and
the question comes as a way to keep me at a distance.