Mark 10:7-9
There
are few places where our culture clashes with the Truth of God than in passages
like this. It lays out God’s role in creating man and woman, and the
institution of marriage. There are no grey lines here, no dashes or dots, no
easy escape, no get out of jail free cards.
So
many of us have had the words of our text read at our weddings. And yet, there
are still so many broken marriages. So what goes wrong?
To
answer that question, we must look at the text. First, we must recognize that
God made male and female, differences and all. Men are not rough, broken copies
of women. Women are not weaker versions of men. God made us both. We are
different. Each has strengths and weaknesses that God placed in us.
When
we come together we have a choice. We can either fight against those
differences we see in the other, or we can see how our strengths complement
their weaknesses and how their strengths complement our weaknesses. We make a
matched set.
I
love really old furniture. One of the most beautiful sights are dovetail
joints. This is where the wood on both sides are the joint are cut out to match
the other side, like fingers intertwined. When the joint is done properly, it
is almost impossible to break the joint. The overlapping of the fingers create
an extremely strong bond. The best examples are found on the drawer front and
side connections.
In
marriage we have the opportunity to find someone to match our strengths and
weaknesses, to create a perfect fit. Almost everyone I talk to can tell me how
their spouses are different than they are. It is those differences that make
life interesting and sometimes challenging.
Secondly,
you must leave your parents. This isn’t simply physical leaving. In some
cultures living with parents even after marriage is a normal thing, and yet
they are able to make it work. When we leave our parents we must create a new
bond with our spouse, one that will weather the storms of life as we lean
toward each other as our primary support network. Our parents are still there,
but we lean first and foremost to our spouse. Our ties of dependency get cut.
We establish a new family and home. Financial and emotional ties are cut and
new ones are formed.
This
can be a very difficult task, creating these new connections with your spouse.
Life has a way of getting in the way. Work demands and the ever present bills
mean that we must make sacrifices in order to continue surviving. And then a
baby throws the whole balance to the curb. Their survival demands that we take
a back seat, at least for the time being.
Thirdly,
we must become one flesh. This is more than the physical act of marriage. It is
more than sex. It is this process by which we begin to move in sync with each
other, like a flock of swallows undulating in the evening sky, no apparent
leader, no apparent communication, but moving in sync with one another. Zigs
and zags, swoops and loops. And they don’t bump into each other! They are one
flock. We are one marriage, one couple, one unit.
Finally,
we must make sure no other person gets in the middle. Our ties must be to our
spouse, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual.