Proverbs 13:24
This is one of the Bible’s most abused
verses, both by some in the church and by those who attack the Bible as an
outdated and oppressive book. But this verse is about the need for discipline,
not the method of discipline. Let me say that again. It is about the NEED for
discipline, not the METHOD of discipline.
We should not beat our kids with a rod.
Remember that Hebrew poetry, with the Proverbs are, doesn’t use rhyme or rhythm
to define its structure like most western poetry that we recite. There is no
iambic pentameter here. Instead, Hebrew poetry uses parallelism as it chief
means of structure.
Spit this verse in half at the comma. Look
at the elements of each half. There is a parent, there are children, and there
is an action in both halves. The first half describes the action of those who
hate their children while the second half focuses on those who love.
The action on both sides of this comma is
the discipline of children. The parent who hates their children doesn’t do it,
but love motivates the loving parent to discipline. It is that simple.
It isn’t about whipping kids. It isn’t about
what method you use. It is instead, about the presence of careful discipline.
Discipline needs to be tailored for the child and the desired outcome, age
appropriate and measured to bring about change in both attitude and behavior.
We can correct behavior and ruin attitude, and ruin our relationship at the
same time. We want obedient children with a proper attitude toward authority,
ours and ultimately God’s.
If our discipline contributes to a
rebellious attitude in our kids, we have failed. Usually rebellion results from
discipline that is too harsh, inconsistent, arbitrary and misdirected. If we
don’t have clear rules that make sense to our kids and if we don’t always hold
that line, then our kids will rebel. If our kids see us doing one thing and
saying another, our kids will probably rebel.
Notice that I have said little about the
method of discipline. The consequences for wrong behavior need to be connected
to the crime. I can’t think of too many crimes that spanking would be the
logical connecting discipline. I know that spanking should not be the first
option for child discipline. If we as parents are using spanking often, we are
failing as parents. We need to learn other better methods.