Be Thought Wise

Proverbs 17:27-28

       It is amazing that silence is often more powerful than any argument. That is because silence in the face of accusation or challenge is very difficult to do. We must fight our God given tendency to defend ourselves. When words are the weapon of choice against us, it can be hard to not return fire with words of our own.

      My wife told me jokingly just a minute ago that she has used silence for years to seem smarter. Maybe she is much smarter than everyone thought. I knew she was on the ball. But she is a quieter person than I am. Her natural personality is quieter. It would be pretty hard to be noisier than I was!

      I have learned in recent years to slow down when the heat of a discussion turns up. When pointed accusations start to fly, I purposefully try to slow down my reaction. So often my first reaction to outsiders seemingly attacking me is dead wrong. If I give preference to my first reaction, I would be in trouble.

      So I hold back my words. I wait until I have a better picture of what is happening before responding. I don’t give my temper upper place. I try to use my temper only when needed, which should be a rare occasion. I mean, how often does my anger really line up with God’s plan?

      When someone else is venting, letting their anger get expressed in my direction, I am often not really the object of their anger. They had a bad night’s sleep. They are hungry. They are frustrated with their workload and have little say in their professional life. They are living beyond what their income can sustain and the pressure is getting to them. They feel like no one really understands them. They feel isolated and alone. And I happen to be an easy target, a safe target. I won’t fire back.

      As a counselor, the greatest skill is learning to be silent, asking only a few questions to keep the client exploring their experience, clarifying in order for the client to discover what is really driving their reaction. If someone really listens to us, we often feel so much better, understood and cared for, valuable and more at peace. We all need someone to listen to us.

Backward Justice = Injustice

Proverbs 17:26

       There are times in human history when justice gets turned on its head. Both punishing the innocent and freeing the guilty are unacceptable, but both happen when justice gets placed in the hands of dishonest people. Both make people live in fear. Both make life filled with uncertainties. They definitely drive out foreign investment!

      Our proverb today focuses on one side of that unjust equation. When the innocent get punished, it is not good. When this happens it sends a powerful message from the person in power, the one able to render decisions. The message is fairly simple: do what I say, or you will be next in line! So the person in charge makes an example of one honest person and in the process turns all the other officials into corrupt officials. A few will resist and stay honest, but they will be punished, usually more severely than the first one. In the words of the Borg in Star Trek, “Resistance is futile.”

      We see this pattern in many oppressive regimes today. In those dominated by Islamic ideologies this is the norm. Either conform to our beliefs or die. I read a couple of days ago about the massive bombing in Iraq centered around a Shiite festival, one side of the Islamic faith killing the other side. This is nothing new. This kind of killing is standard practice in Islam and has been for over a thousand years. They battle for the upper hand by killing their opponents. It started with their supreme example, Mohamed. He credited with personally killing hundreds of opponents, and serves as their model for behavior.

      We in the West are usually more humane with our opponents. We just lie through our teeth about their intentions and motives, and the media parrots those words until they are believed by enough voters to get us in office and keep us there. Of course we have not always been so kind with our international enemies. War often brings out the worst, even if our intentions are honorable.

      We can’t be responsible for the actions of others. We can only control our actions. We must be people of integrity, upholding and honoring those who act justly. We can intervene and stop injustice to the extent that our influence extends. We can’t correct if we have too little influence, or no influence.

Reactions

Proverbs 17:25

       Every parent has days when they wish their children were grown, off to college and out of the house. Parenting is a very tiring profession. It demands more of you than any other job. The hours are longer and the pay isn’t worth talking about. You never get sick days, and paid vacations just don’t happen. There is no job description, the tasks central to the success of the job keep changing unexpectedly, and they have found all your ‘buttons’ to push. It is tough being a parent.

      Being a kid isn’t easy either. Every new task is a challenge to master. You have to constantly learn new, challenging things. Expectations keep changing as time passes. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, things change. You are often overlooked when your parents are talking. You feel like a third wheel, unimportant. And when other kids come along, you get pushed out of your spot.

      It really is a miracle that we do as well as we do surviving the formative years. So many things can go wrong. Things that happen shape us for a lifetime. The small impressions, the lessons learned about ourselves and others, set in motion our adult relationships. They shape what we believe about how relationships work, even our relationship with the LORD. The pattern set often becomes the pattern kept.

      Our proverb tells us that the actions of children cause a reaction in the parents. It highlights the negative side of this connection. Parenting can be painful. I am not just talking about the long hours and the lack of sleep that so often accompanies the early years. I am talking about the struggles for position in the family and control. If the parents don’t stay in control, moving the family ship along on the chosen course, the children will take the reins and run it aground. They need the parents to be in charge, at the helm.

      When kids are in charge, pain follows. We have the responsibility to help our children learn how to deal with boredom and inactivity. Life is filled with moments of nothing. If we teach them to fill every moment with Gameboy or DVD, then they never learn how to deal with silence and stillness, two essential tasks of adulthood. We will turn them into busy-addicts, never able to slow down and nurture relationship. They will end up alone, even in the crowd of life.

      Notice that parents have different reactions to the same foolish son, to one grief and to the other bitterness. This is a reality and can drive a wedge between parents, neither able to understand the other’s reaction. I don’t think men always have grief and women bitterness, but that each can have a different reaction. I also think daughters can do the same thing to parents.

Viewfinder

Proverbs 17:24

       One of the things about people who accomplish a lot by the world’s standards is their ability to keep their focus on a goal. They doggedly stay focused. They are able to not get sidetracked by non-important, non-essential tasks that don’t contribute to the goal. They can look at what needs to be accomplished and prioritize everything in view of the goal. Distractions don’t seem to draw them away.

      For us as Jesus-followers our goal is wisdom. Of course this is not an abstract set of knowledge, things we memorize and can regurgitate at a moment’s notice. Wisdom starts with an intimate relationship with the LORD and flows from there. Without this living, vital, growing relationship, all else is futile. But with this relationship, everything else in life finds meaning.

      One of the basic skills of soldiers is being able to keep their eye on their target when firing their weapon. Snipers, the most elite marksmen in the world, will train staying still for days in order to obtain their target. They are some of the most discipline people in the world. They know how to focus! Distance, wind speed and direction, temperature, barometric pressure, the particular load and round type, breathing and squeeze. Nothing distracts them when their target is in view.

      We are to keep wisdom in view, as our proverb states. It does not consume our complete view as there are other things in life, but it is always in the picture, center stage. We can have a family, goof off, go on a vacation, buy a nice car, decorate, watch a movie, play a game, tickle, get a degree, travel, and still have wisdom in view. We don’t have to become cloistered individuals, cut off from the world. We can live full lives.

      But so few people live their lives with wisdom even in the picture! They get distracted and spend their lives moving in multiple, aimless directions. They chase rabbits! We are called to have focus, direction, purpose. Jesus provides us that, if we will listen to Him.

      Notice that it takes a discerning person to keep wisdom in view. It is easy to get distracted. There are so many shiny objects that can pull us away. We are an over-stimulated people. We have been trained to take in information in 30 minute blocks of time with seven and a half minutes of entertaining breaks interspersed. Images in most entertainment change every four or five seconds. If the angle doesn’t change, we get bored. Count it next time you watch a TV show or a movie.

      We must learn to stay focused, focused in life. We must choose to keep wisdom in our view and not allow it to be kicked out of the picture.

Bribed Again

Proverbs 17:23

       Have you ever received a bribe? I am pretty sure your quick answer was a resounding “No!” But let’s spend a little time thinking about this. A bribe is something given to change the behavior of the person who receives it. Usually it is placed in a legal context, meaning the act of giving and receiving the object and the resulting change in behavior is said to be against the law.

      We hear about people in the news almost every day getting caught taking bribes. Lobbyists make a living selling influence, getting access when others don’t, shaping opinion in a way that favors their viewpoint at the expense of another. Politicians, especially those around DC, have become drunk on their power. They will do almost anything to keep it. They even betray the interest of their constituents. The recent exemption for their staff from Obamacare is a good example. They demand we comply, but then they use their power to protect themselves. We pay for their extravagance!

      But most people who end up bribing in this legal sense don’t start their buying of influence with this illegal act. They start changing others behavior in their favor with much smaller, not illegal acts.  They learn to get what they want by manipulating other people. They might not be purposeful in their manipulation, but their small acts move other people.

      Let me give you several small examples. Have you ever brought cookies in order to butter someone up, to get on their good side? Have you ever smiled and been extra kind when you wanted something from someone? Did you ever push an argument hoping the other person would give in to your solution? I could go on, but I won’t.

      You see, most of us do small things to influence others behavior in our favor. So when does this kind of behavior become out of bounds for a Jesus-follower? Certainly when someone ends up hurt as a result of our actions it would be wrong, no matter what kind of hurt that is, moral, physical, spiritual, emotional, or resource depleting. We are supposed to prefer each other, look out for each other’s best interest, not our own. We are to be servants of all.

      I am challenging you, as I am challenging myself, to examine how we broker deals, negotiate compromise, settle arguments. Are we working toward justice for all involved? Or are we beginning the practice of manipulating that may end up someday in a bribe? Think about it.