Every parent has days when they wish their
children were grown, off to college and out of the house. Parenting is a very
tiring profession. It demands more of you than any other job. The hours are
longer and the pay isn’t worth talking about. You never get sick days, and paid
vacations just don’t happen. There is no job description, the tasks central to
the success of the job keep changing unexpectedly, and they have found all your
‘buttons’ to push. It is tough being a parent.
Being
a kid isn’t easy either. Every new task is a challenge to master. You have to
constantly learn new, challenging things. Expectations keep changing as time
passes. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, things change. You are often
overlooked when your parents are talking. You feel like a third wheel,
unimportant. And when other kids come along, you get pushed out of your spot.
It
really is a miracle that we do as well as we do surviving the formative years.
So many things can go wrong. Things that happen shape us for a lifetime. The
small impressions, the lessons learned about ourselves and others, set in
motion our adult relationships. They shape what we believe about how
relationships work, even our relationship with the LORD. The pattern set often
becomes the pattern kept.
Our
proverb tells us that the actions of children cause a reaction in the parents.
It highlights the negative side of this connection. Parenting can be painful. I
am not just talking about the long hours and the lack of sleep that so often
accompanies the early years. I am talking about the struggles for position in
the family and control. If the parents don’t stay in control, moving the family
ship along on the chosen course, the children will take the reins and run it
aground. They need the parents to be in charge, at the helm.
When
kids are in charge, pain follows. We have the responsibility to help our
children learn how to deal with boredom and inactivity. Life is filled with
moments of nothing. If we teach them to fill every moment with Gameboy or DVD,
then they never learn how to deal with silence and stillness, two essential
tasks of adulthood. We will turn them into busy-addicts, never able to slow
down and nurture relationship. They will end up alone, even in the crowd of
life.
Notice
that parents have different reactions to the same foolish son, to one grief and
to the other bitterness. This is a reality and can drive a wedge between
parents, neither able to understand the other’s reaction. I don’t think men
always have grief and women bitterness, but that each can have a different
reaction. I also think daughters can do the same thing to parents.