Proverbs 17:27-28
It is amazing that silence is often more
powerful than any argument. That is because silence in the face of accusation
or challenge is very difficult to do. We must fight our God given tendency to
defend ourselves. When words are the weapon of choice against us, it can be
hard to not return fire with words of our own.
My
wife told me jokingly just a minute ago that she has used silence for years to
seem smarter. Maybe she is much smarter than everyone thought. I knew she was
on the ball. But she is a quieter person than I am. Her natural personality is
quieter. It would be pretty hard to be noisier than I was!
I
have learned in recent years to slow down when the heat of a discussion turns
up. When pointed accusations start to fly, I purposefully try to slow down my
reaction. So often my first reaction to outsiders seemingly attacking me is
dead wrong. If I give preference to my first reaction, I would be in trouble.
So
I hold back my words. I wait until I have a better picture of what is happening
before responding. I don’t give my temper upper place. I try to use my temper
only when needed, which should be a rare occasion. I mean, how often does my
anger really line up with God’s plan?
When
someone else is venting, letting their anger get expressed in my direction, I
am often not really the object of their anger. They had a bad night’s sleep.
They are hungry. They are frustrated with their workload and have little say in
their professional life. They are living beyond what their income can sustain and
the pressure is getting to them. They feel like no one really understands them.
They feel isolated and alone. And I happen to be an easy target, a safe target.
I won’t fire back.
As
a counselor, the greatest skill is learning to be silent, asking only a few
questions to keep the client exploring their experience, clarifying in order
for the client to discover what is really driving their reaction. If someone
really listens to us, we often feel so much better, understood and cared for,
valuable and more at peace. We all need someone to listen to us.