Proverbs 17:14
Sometimes
we argue over nothing. Have you noticed that? At the time we usually don’t
notice that it is over the dust-bunnies under the bed, or the socks on the
floor. And even if the little voice in our head was shouting, “What are you
doing?” we can’t stop ourselves. We get on autopilot and we can’t switch it
off. We either push to get it resolved or we pull into our shell.
I
have some friends who get into arguments and they can’t ever seem to stop
themselves. They say some very harsh things in the heat of the moment. They don’t
really mean those things, but they feel pushed in a corner and the only way to
get out of the corner is to push back with the nuclear option.
Some
things are just not worth an argument, like toilet lid up or down. Does it really matter if the lid is up or down?
The world isn’t going to come to an end if the dog drinks from the bowl. Just
don’t kiss the dog! And we know dogs aren’t the cleanest animals, so kissing a
dog isn’t such a good idea anyway!
But
we see the lid up and the question gets raised, and off to the races we go. We
look back at the dispute and know it was over nothing, but we also know we have
had that argument dozens of times. Why is the lid position so important to us?
Or any other small thing we argue about.
The
answer is usually this: when that small thing arises we wonder if we matter to
the other person, if we are important, if they understand us, if they even care
about us. This is not the surface question, but one that resonates deep inside
us. Or maybe what is happening reminds us of something from our past and the
pain of the past event invades our present moment.
Once
an argument gets started there is no telling what direction it will take, and
how much damage will be done in the process. It might start on one topic, but
quickly move all over the map. Just like a leak in a dam, you can’t tell where
it will move next.
If
you have the power to stop the argument before it starts, do it.