Responsibility

Mark 1:19-20

      Responsibilities! We all have them. How does the Gospel impact those responsibilities? Does the call of God supersede our responsibilities? How do we handle seemingly conflicting sets of responsibilities? We may not be facing these types of conflicts right now, but at some point in our life these conflicts will arise.

      Sometimes these conflicts show up when relationship conflicts arise. I have found that relationship conflicts often have to do with feelings of unimportance, a feeling of “I don’t matter” to them. Work seems more important. Video games, sports, friends, crafting, the children, couponing, hunting, recreation… the list could continue. Something else seems to take up time and energy needed for the relationship. This is a conflict of priorities and responsibilities. How do we decide what to do, what is most important?

      James and John had to make just such a decision. They were working with their father on their boat. When Jesus calls them, they leave their father. What was their responsibility to their father? If they left, would the father be OK? Would he be able to continue the business without them? Our text gives us a clue into the answer. There were hired men helping with the business.

      It seems that the business was successful enough that their father’s business had grown to the point where the three of them could not sustain it. They needed to hire extra help to meet the demand. When that happened, the father became more than a father. He became an employer. So now as the two sons leave, the father could continue to hire other help to meet the need. The father is not left in the lurch. He will survive.

      Would it be different if there were no hired help? Perhaps in the long run, no. The father could begin hiring help. But in the short run, over the next few days and weeks, the father would not only have to try to bring in the haul of fish to meet the demand, but also try to find help, reliable help to replace the labor the sons had provided. There might even be some resentment by the father toward Jesus for taking his boys away and leaving him in such a predicament.

      We don’t know if the sons talked to their father, asked his permission, made sure he would be OK, gave him veto power over their leaving. We don’t know if any of that happened. We don’t know if they hugged goodbye. We know nothing of their parting moments. We do know they left.

      Why would a father let his two sons leave with a perfect stranger? They were men at this point, but to allow them to leave could be seen as the father letting go of his responsibility over his sons. Maybe he should have asked some questions of Jesus. When does our responsibility for our children end?

      Mark writes about the father and the hired men. He has a reason. He wants us to ask about family and business ties. He wants us to consider other responsibilities and how we fit into the equation.

      I think the solution to these types of responsibility conflicts is to have conversations around the issues with all the people affected. Open, frank conversations about feelings and hurts can go a long way in helping avoid conflicting responsibilities. If we have them before taking on extra things, it is easier to make adjustments.

Plots

Proverbs 16:27-30

      As we watch the news, we witness the result of people plotting evil. Even when we take mental illness into account, plotting took place. What terrible things can happen when plotters get going!

      But sometimes everyday normal people plot. I know I do, and I can bet that you do also. I rarely carry out the plans that rise in the dark corners of my soul, but they sometimes bubble and churn. They often rise out of hurt feelings, or misunderstanding. If I were to begin to believe them, they could take over my life.

      Our proverbs give us a hint at how plots begin to get carried out. The first place we usually notice plots is when they begin to be spoken. We share the details of our pain and the plan to make things right by telling someone. We do this to get more people on our side. We color the facts so that we come out looking like the one in the right, the one justified in what we are plotting.

      We stir up support and a greater number of people involved in the plot. We don’t want to be alone in our thinking. We continue to spread our story of injury and their wrong doing.

      Then we trick the other person into walking down a path that will lead them into our trap. We pretend to be on their side, as we walk them to the point of attack. We play on their weaknesses. We have done our research and we know how to trip them up.

      Then comes the moment of execution of the plan. We signal to our coconspirators that now is the time. We probably don’t wink, but eye signals, even the momentary changes in the face, give us away, if anyone is watching. We write the message on Facebook. We tweet. We give the person a negative review online. We make a public statement aimed at them. We tell their boss. We inform the spouse about what we saw. And so it goes.

      You don’t plot good things. You can plan good things. Surprise parties take planning. Anniversaries, birthdays, special occasions all take planning. But the outcome of this kind of planning is blessing, not hurt.

      Next time someone comes to you with a plot, bring it into the light. Don’t let it stay hidden. Call the person out and stop the plot in its tracks.

Hospital Gown

Proverbs 10:12

One of the hardest things for a new couple is their first fight. How they move toward each during and following the fight makes a big difference. When we are able to move toward the other person, hear and understand their position, their hurt and pain, the better our relationship becomes. If we end up feeling alone, we can be headed for trouble.

We all know people who love stirring up trouble. At the root of that stirring is hatred. They would probably not state it this way, but that is the reality. Hate puts us in the lashing out mood. We want to strike at anything that seems to get in our way. Hate is often indiscriminate about where and when it strikes. It doesn’t need justice to step over the line, it isn’t in charge at that point. And as a result, hate often strikes the innocent.

Hate is like a stick poking at the embers in a campfire, hoping to get a bit more flame to rise. Hate doesn’t even need to be in the fire. It is often content to get other people fighting. So if you see conflict, take a look at the sidelines. Perhaps the hate is throwing the punches, but poking the embers.

By contrast, love works to resolve conflicts. It does so through forgiveness and reconciliation. Love brings people together rather than pushing them apart. Love is always seeing the best in other people, perhaps deeply buried best.

Love isn’t about pacifying people. Love doesn’t bury wrongs, it covers them.

I remember being in the hospital for an operation. You know those hospital gowns that let the world see your backside, well I had one of them on. I had to walk down the hallway for a test. I covered my backside to hide my private parts. I didn’t want others to feel shame at seeing me exposed. My private parts were still there, just covered. It was not that I was trying to say they didn’t exist, but that I didn’t want other people having to divert their eyes to keep from shaming me. I didn’t want my nakedness to distract people’s attention away from other important things.

Love covers the wrongs so that they don’t get in the way of relationship. If we hold onto wrongs, soon our arms are filled with them, and we can’t experience the world without the wrongs overtaking it. We cover them so that our gaze can look beyond them to a better future, in hopes that someday the wrongs can be made right.