Questions for a Questioner

Proverbs 15:28

      One of the greatest lessons I have learned over my many years is to pause before giving an answer. Those little pauses have saved me so many headaches. And during that pause I try to ask myself a couple of questions. Maybe you want to start to do the same thing.

      The first question I ask is this: do they really want an answer or are they testing the waters? Many people do not deal directly with what they want. They scramble around the edges. I will always answer a sincere question, but I will often not answer others. The sincere question gives me a window into a person’s heart. If they open it, I want to be sensitive to the work of the Spirit and use that opening for the furthering of the Gospel. And in that answer I want to be sure I meet the need, if I am able, of the person asking.

      Slowing down your answer gives you time to not react. Answers given out of reaction seldom are good answers. They often come from a defensive posture. When I feel threatened I don’t often make myself vulnerable by being honest. That is why assessing the questioner’s motives is important. They may be asking in a way that puts you in a defensive posture, but they may be truly seeking an answer.

      The second question that runs through my mind is this: how will my answer reflect the glory and grace of God? I want every human encounter to be one in which the Holy Spirit can dwell. Since I am made in His image, I want my life, and even my answers, to reflect His character. So I slow down my answers.

      If the question comes by email, which is often how questions come to me, I write my response and then save it in drafts. I take a break, sometimes for a day, and go back and reread my answer to be sure it says what I want it to say in a way that honors Him. If it is a question asked directly to me, face to face, then I slow down and begin a conversation. If the question is an attack, I really slow it down. Attacks usually come because they feel threatened themselves and the question comes as a way to keep me at a distance.

Liver and Onions

Proverbs 12:15-16

I have to admit, my perspective on life is skewed. I see things a certain way, and I know that on some subjects I am wrong. I don’t want to make excuses, but some of my perspective grew out of my upbringing, and some of it has grown out of my experiences in life. I know I don’t like liver. I love onions. But no matter how many onions you put with liver, I still won’t like the liver.

This skewing covers more than just liver and onions. It goes far beyond food choices. I’m not fond of either extreme cold or extreme hot weather. I don’t like pink houses. I’m fairly set in my ways.

But when I want to make decisions, I don’t rely on my internal resources alone. I gather information. I do a web search. I ask friends. I pray. I want advice. I want other people’s perspectives. I want to know that they think.

I am planning on building an addition onto my house. I could draw up the plans myself, but I don’t know about the local building codes. I could research them, but I don’t know about engineering roof trusses. I could get a degree in engineering, but I only have so many years of life. So I am hiring an architect. He will fill in my gaps in knowledge.

Wise people listen to the advice of others. They seek it out. Fools rely on their own limited view of things.

One of the lessons I have learned over the years, and am still learning, is to not react with full fury immediately. Most circumstances don’t require deadly force. I have learned to just let the words of fools slip on by me. I try to consider the source of the words and ask myself, “Are these words worth listening to and heeding?”

Even with people I know to be fools, I try to not show my annoyance. Sometimes I am not very good at it. Sometimes I fail miserably.

Not showing our annoyance allows the door to remain open. I want to keep the opportunity to share Jesus open. I don’t want my rude response to keep them from seeing Jesus. Most insults are a defensive mechanism. People throw them when they are feeling attacked. When they feel vulnerable, they insult to keep people away. So when I don’t react, I show that I am not a threat. I keep the door open.