In grief,
all words
lose
their
volume.
I am struck by how
inadequate words can be to a heart that is caught in the grip of grief. The one
in grief desperately wants words that will heal, but knows there are no words.
The one walking along side the one in grief desperately wants to offer words to
lighten the burden, but even forming words of comfort becomes impossible. Why
is this so?
One of the deepest
wounds of humanity is the wound of connection. We lost it in the Garden. We
were expelled from access to the life-giving tree and from God’s presence. In
two bites rebellion was sealed in the human heart. In two bites we lost
everything of importance. We unplugged spiritually and relationally.
Today, we try to
fill that void with substitutes that lack substance and depth. Instead of the
sexual intimacy the way God intended, we engage in animalistic gyrations that
lead to long-term emptiness. We try to numb the pain with things that our
culture says will work. None of them do.
At the root of
this longing is grief. Deep in the human heart is a grief for what was lost in
the Garden. Somehow we know something is missing. When tragedy strikes we look
up and cry out in anguish. Even those who claim to ignore the existence of God
cry out. They shake their fist, but at whom? They know something is wrong,
something is missing. And so they cry out.
Even Jesus-followers
cry out. We read of the Old Testament hero Job, who in his grief cursed the day
of his birth. In the middle of his pain, he questioned the value of his own
life. And this is perfectly normal and even healthy. Grief can bring us into a
deeper experience of life itself. It can teach us lessons that comfort never
can.
So what can we do?
How can we weather the storm of grief? Embrace it. Rather than running or
numbing, embrace it. Give yourself permission to sit in it. You won’t drown.
Listen to what God wants to say in those moments. Speak to God about your
experience. Nothing you say will surprise Him, or cause Him to back away from
you. Even when you feel like life is not worth living, talk to God about it.
Secondly, find
someone who can just sit and listen without offering advice or platitudes. We
need to have someone with flesh and blood with whom we can wrestle. We need to
be able to pin them to the mat without fear of being put in a choke hold. We
need to have the freedom to say exactly what is on our mind without scaring
them away. We need to know they will be there no matter what. That is
connection.
Thirdly, be open
to surprises of grace. I have found that, often in the middle of the worst
turmoil, God wants to speak to us in new ways. Be open to His voice.