Proverbs 13:1
As a rebellious kid, listening to my parents
was not optional. And if you are a good parent, it won’t be optional for your
kids. About the only option was punished now, or punished now and later.
I don’t want to give the impression that my
parents were bad parents. I think they did a really good job. They disciplined
us. They established boundaries and then enforced them. The loved us enough to
correct us.
Discipline is about correcting attitude and
behavior. As I talk with parents now I find one thing in common. They don’t
mind the breaches in behavior, but when their children throw the attitude, it
pushes them over the edge. Rebellious actions are one thing, often easier to
take. But when the rebellious attitude shows up, “Game On.”
Once attitude shows up it is hard to win the
battle. So often parents push right back with an attitude of their own. They
push hard with “Oh yes you will!” Now we have two people staking out their
ground throwing alternating volleys of attitude. They don’t respond to rebukes.
But once you begin the battle of attitude
from a power position, you will lose. Your kids will just wait you out. Like the
Taliban in the Middle East, they are willing to wear you down and wait.
So how do you win? When attitude gets
thrown, don’t react. Simply state what your expectations are and move on.
Change the battlefield. They know they can win when you escalate, but they will
have no idea what to do with a calm parent.
Remember it is not about controlling every
action. The older they get, the more space you need to give them. They need to
learn how to make mistakes and get the consequences. They need to practice
freedom before they go off to college. They need to practice while they still
have a safety net, you.
Show your love for them by establishing
sensible boundaries. Choose your battles, your must win rules. Then let go of
the other areas. A dirty room never killed a teenager. Strange color hair won’t
end life as we know it. So let it go.
Love always, correct when you must.