Proverbs 14:10
We are all unique individuals who live with
others who share many things in common. As we experience the sorrows and joys
that inevitably come to us as human beings living in a fallen world, there are
many common factors to those experiences. These common factors to human
experience tie us together.
The longer we live, the more likely it is
that someone close to us will die. There are few pains that run as deeply as
the death of a loved one. And once you have been through a death, you are
better able to relate to others who go through this. You know some of their
pain, just as they know some of yours.
But there is also a part of your pain that
they can’t relate to. Some of that pain is unique to you. I have found this
especially true of the surviving spouses of soldiers killed in combat. Each has
a story of their own relationship, the ups and downs, infidelity and losses,
missed opportunities and justified angers. This relationship history makes the
loss even more individual.
They remember the previous goodbyes and the
pain of previous separations, the long waits for word of safety. They remember
the angry last words, or silence as the plane was loaded with their man. They are
angry over choices their spouse made during the relationship which didn’t have
time to heal before they were killed. And for some, it never will heal. They
will never hear the words their hearts need to hear.
And then the circumstances of the death make
their pain unique. Because of the injuries inflicted, some spouses never get to
kiss their loved one goodbye. They sometimes don’t even have the opportunity to
touch their body to confirm it was their loved one. They must rely on DNA,
dental records, and the eyewitness testimony to confirm the identity of the
remains. And for some, doubts complicate the grieving process.
Each of us has our own pains, similar to
other’s pain, but unique to us. And the same holds true for our joys. The joy
of holding my grandkids is mine alone. They are special to me because I have so
far escaped death. I am still alive, by the grace of God, and I rejoice in each
moment with them. I may not have many more. But then again, I may have many more
years. But as my spouse and kids will testify, my wet eyes betray the joys I
feel.
Although we are unique in many ways, I want
to encourage you to reach out to those around you and join in their sorrows and
joys. You will become more fully a servant of Christ in the process. He was a man
of sorrows and acquainted with grief. We should be like Him.