Psalm 22:3-15
Sometimes
it can be hard to put our experiences into words. Often it is because we don’t
have the words, the vocabulary of emotion and body sensation that is needed in
order to adequately tell the experience to others. That is why this psalm is so
interesting. The writer is able to express his experience of a very traumatic
event in words that we can all understand and relate to.
But
trauma affects not only a person’s experience of self, but also can change
belief systems. We must wrestle with our belief about the LORD, about
ourselves, and about other people. Difficult circumstances don’t just make our
body’s ache; they can cause us spiritual pain as we yearn for a resolution to
the “why” questions that arise.
So
we read in the first verses that the writer feels forsaken, alone and unheard.
If you have ever been through a very difficult time in your life, you can
probably relate to this sense of isolation. Some people say that feeling alone
during traumatic experiences is one of the most difficult to handle. We as
human beings need each other. We are wired that way by the LORD.
And
yet the writer struggles in his faith. It is not that he doesn’t have trust,
but that he can’t see the rescue happening. He is able to recount past events
when the LORD intervened in his life and the collective life of Israel, but in
the moment he still feels alone. This wrestling with our fundamental beliefs is
part of the process of recovery from trauma. We must wrestle with the meaning
of what happened.
Part
of that meaning is connected to what we believe about other people. We see that
as he describes feeling like a worm. Others are looking on his suffering and
making comments that aren’t helpful to his recovery. There is blame thrown, and
our writer catches the blame as in some way owns it as his own. The comments
and the pain they inflict become part of the trauma. They add additional pain
to the experience. And as we think about the Cross, we can’t help but hear
these words from those who passed by Jesus.
This
man’s safety is seriously threatened. He recounts his birth and the trust that
developed during infancy with his mother. He sees this as the LORD’s work. And
in fact it is part of the design. We learn trust from our earliest interactions
with the adults in our life. If they can be trusted to respond and meet our
needs for warmth, food, comfort, and dryness, we learn that other people can be
trusted and by extension the LORD can be trusted. If those needs aren’t met, we
learn that either other’s can’t be trusted, or that we aren’t worth their
response. Either lesson learned can be devastating to future relationship
attempts.
He
also experience social isolation. He feels without a friend. There is no one in
his corner. Instead, he feels like everyone is ganging up on him. They all want
a piece of him. They surround him and are ready to tear him limb from limb. Once
the destructive comments start, it is difficult to bring them to a halt. In
fact, other people see the opportunity to secure their position by ganging up
on the weakened person. If the other person is being attacked, they aren’t
being attacked. For the moment they are safe.
But
this isn’t just name calling. There is also physical pain that is connected to
this man’s experience. Other’s are ganging up, and the results show up in this
person’s body. We know that stress takes a tremendous toll on us. The list of
damage that can be done goes on and on. So not only is this a picture of Jesus’
experience on the cross, but it is also what the writer experienced. He feels
like the strength needed to hold it together isn’t there. He feels like a
liquid mass unable to pull himself together. His internal strength, his heart
in the writer’s words, is mush. His mouth has dried up. These are all signs of
stress.
Trauma,
both big “T” traumas like war and rape, and little “t” traumas like humiliation
and verbal abuse, affect every area of our lives. They create messages about
ourselves that become embedded into our thinking. They bring the past right
into the present. They can take over our lives, crippling us. They take over
our bodies, robbing us of our strength. They take over our connections with
others, isolating us.