Crucifixion’s Experience in Words

Psalm 22:3-15

          Sometimes it can be hard to put our experiences into words. Often it is because we don’t have the words, the vocabulary of emotion and body sensation that is needed in order to adequately tell the experience to others. That is why this psalm is so interesting. The writer is able to express his experience of a very traumatic event in words that we can all understand and relate to.

          But trauma affects not only a person’s experience of self, but also can change belief systems. We must wrestle with our belief about the LORD, about ourselves, and about other people. Difficult circumstances don’t just make our body’s ache; they can cause us spiritual pain as we yearn for a resolution to the “why” questions that arise.

          So we read in the first verses that the writer feels forsaken, alone and unheard. If you have ever been through a very difficult time in your life, you can probably relate to this sense of isolation. Some people say that feeling alone during traumatic experiences is one of the most difficult to handle. We as human beings need each other. We are wired that way by the LORD.

          And yet the writer struggles in his faith. It is not that he doesn’t have trust, but that he can’t see the rescue happening. He is able to recount past events when the LORD intervened in his life and the collective life of Israel, but in the moment he still feels alone. This wrestling with our fundamental beliefs is part of the process of recovery from trauma. We must wrestle with the meaning of what happened.

          Part of that meaning is connected to what we believe about other people. We see that as he describes feeling like a worm. Others are looking on his suffering and making comments that aren’t helpful to his recovery. There is blame thrown, and our writer catches the blame as in some way owns it as his own. The comments and the pain they inflict become part of the trauma. They add additional pain to the experience. And as we think about the Cross, we can’t help but hear these words from those who passed by Jesus.

          This man’s safety is seriously threatened. He recounts his birth and the trust that developed during infancy with his mother. He sees this as the LORD’s work. And in fact it is part of the design. We learn trust from our earliest interactions with the adults in our life. If they can be trusted to respond and meet our needs for warmth, food, comfort, and dryness, we learn that other people can be trusted and by extension the LORD can be trusted. If those needs aren’t met, we learn that either other’s can’t be trusted, or that we aren’t worth their response. Either lesson learned can be devastating to future relationship attempts.

          He also experience social isolation. He feels without a friend. There is no one in his corner. Instead, he feels like everyone is ganging up on him. They all want a piece of him. They surround him and are ready to tear him limb from limb. Once the destructive comments start, it is difficult to bring them to a halt. In fact, other people see the opportunity to secure their position by ganging up on the weakened person. If the other person is being attacked, they aren’t being attacked. For the moment they are safe.

          But this isn’t just name calling. There is also physical pain that is connected to this man’s experience. Other’s are ganging up, and the results show up in this person’s body. We know that stress takes a tremendous toll on us. The list of damage that can be done goes on and on. So not only is this a picture of Jesus’ experience on the cross, but it is also what the writer experienced. He feels like the strength needed to hold it together isn’t there. He feels like a liquid mass unable to pull himself together. His internal strength, his heart in the writer’s words, is mush. His mouth has dried up. These are all signs of stress.

          Trauma, both big “T” traumas like war and rape, and little “t” traumas like humiliation and verbal abuse, affect every area of our lives. They create messages about ourselves that become embedded into our thinking. They bring the past right into the present. They can take over our lives, crippling us. They take over our bodies, robbing us of our strength. They take over our connections with others, isolating us.

Despair’s Experience in Words

Psalm 22:1-2

          Our culture is filled with double entendres, a word or expression that we can understand in at least two ways, one being sexual. And of course, since we are a sexualized culture, many new sayings are added to the list of double entendres every day. These double meanings allow people to get away with bringing sex into almost every conversation.

          I remember the movie What About Bob? where Bill Murray is placed in the Psychiatric hospital by Dr Marvin as a way to get rid of him. You see him sitting with staff all around him telling jokes and laughing. He tells about drawing pictures where every picture reminds the man in the joke about sex. So the psychiatrist in the joke remarks that the patient is obsessed with sex. The patient in the joke says, “Well you’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!”

          Double meanings abound. And words can refer to two or more different things. Even things written the Scriptures can have two or more referents, two or more things they are talking about. This is often true with the prophecy we find in the Old Testament. There was often the meaning that was a word of hope for those in the immediate timeframe of the original writing, but there was also a future connection. We see this in our psalm today.

          Jesus made that connection while he was hanging on the Cross. He began to quote this psalm as He was suffering on the Cross. Some of His most famous words begin this psalm. They are also some of the most difficult to understand theologically and most universally experienced.

          As we read this psalm we will find poignant word pictures that help us understand and relate to what Jesus felt like when He was on the Cross. But I don’t want to highlight those today. These words also had a meaning for the writer of the psalm in his day, and for his people.  This psalm was meant to bring the writer’s experience out into the open, so that other people would be able to relate and find hope.

          So what are some of the things that the writer was expressing about his own journey in life? He felt forsaken, like the LORD wasn’t listening, like He didn’t care. And yet even in the words of that first verse, there is an expression of a relationship that we could miss, if we weren’t careful. He addresses the LORD as “my God.” He repeats it to make sure we hear it.

          This is not some distant, non-personal deity being addressed. This is the writer’s God, and a God who normally doesn’t make his servants feel abandoned. This is an unusual experience for this writer. If his God were always absent, always distant, always deaf to his cries, then this would be nothing to write about. But normally this writer’s God is there answering prayer, making His presence known.

          And this is where some people’s faith gets sidetracked. They go through a difficult, perhaps impossible feeling circumstance, and when they aren’t delivered in the manner they want, they feel as if the LORD isn’t there for them. Then they must make a choice: faith or fear. In those moments they can shake their fists and turn their backs, or shake their fists and draw in close. Just like the hurting child mad at the parents for not granting the wish, they want safety and security even more than their wish.

          Is there anything that can be said in those moments that will make the feeling of rejection less painful? Nope! No words, no theological discourse, no amount of storytelling will help. What people need in those moments is to know they are not alone in their journey. They need someone at their side, silent and listening. God doesn’t need us to defend Him. He does need us to be His hands and arms extended.

Something’s Different About Him

Mark 15:39

      Have you ever been in the room with someone, and you just knew there was something different about them, something extraordinary? The way they carried themselves, their connection with people, their gentle manner seemed genuine, authentic. They stood out from the rest. And maybe you couldn’t tell exactly what made them seem different, but you sensed it.

      Of course maybe they were acting suspicious, untrustworthy. Maybe they were muttering to themselves, and they didn’t have a Bluetooth earpiece! Maybe their clothes didn’t seem to fit in with the crowd, or their hairstyle seemed out of date. Perhaps it was the way their eyes seemed to dart about the room, seemingly unable to stay focused on any one thing.

      You see, people can be different for lots of different reasons. And differences can be viewed as good, bad, ugly, and a thousand other ways. Sometimes different is just different.

      But I like the times when different has that rare quality, a quality that makes me feel as though they are a cut above me, of better stuff, an inspiration. I want someone to show me what that cut above looks like, without rubbing it in my face. Because once they rub it in my face, they show themselves not to be a cut above. I want quiet confidence, not loud arrogance.

      The commander, call a centurion, was there overseeing the activities of the day. He was on crucifixion duty. I don’t know how this particular duty was viewed by those soldiers. It probably was a duty that allowed them to get away from the palace, which is usually a good thing. Most soldiers don’t like being too close to the flagpole, as they say it today. Too many eyes, too many high ranking people, too many bosses, too many nitpicky details. Most soldiers like a little independence, a little flexibility in their jobs. They want to be able to let loose and have a little fun with the task.

       Crucifixion duty was really a PR job. It was a public display of the power of Rome to deal with those it deemed threatening or unwanted. Crucifixion stood as a powerful warning to anyone else who might be thinking about rebelling against the authority. They would not have allowed just anyone to be in charge. Like Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, DC, only the sharpest are qualified to work there.

      There were many opportunities for Rome to look incompetent during the process of crucifixion. And if they looked incompetent, they looked as though they lacked power. If the prisoner has too much spunk left in him and he has the strength to continue to incite rebellion, Rome has failed. If the spikes aren’t driven in correctly and the victim rips free, failure. If they don’t survive long enough to make the point about the pain of rebellion, or too long, eating up soldier’s time, delaying the schedule, failure.

      And as this commander watches the way Jesus dies, something is different. He must have seen others die, shouting and cursing. Many would have struggled to not be placed on the cross. Some would have continued to struggle to get free, some even after being hoisted. Anger and hatred were probably the normal reactions. Cries of pain and rejection. Maybe a few cries for mom.

      But Jesus does none of these things. He is in pain, and when offered something to make Him feel less pain, He rejects it. He rejects the wine mixture that would have provided a little numbing. He rejects the wine vinegar that would have helped His mouth feel a little less parched. He takes care of His mother’s future needs. He offers forgiveness. He gives hope to a fellow condemned man, offering forgiveness and heaven. He breathes His last breath in peace. He was different.

      And the centurion knew it. Do you know it? Do you recognize it? Do you proclaim it?

Day 259

Narrative of Jesus' death  

Mark 15

Key Verses: 1, 5, 15, 26, 32, 39, 44,

Sometimes burning the midnight oil is not a productive thing. Jesus was arrested after dark, probably rather late in the evening. He was led for His first questioning, during which time Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. I imagine they had a messenger alert Pilate’s staff that they needed a meeting with him first thing in the morning, a matter of utmost national security.

And they show up with a carpenter, not much of a man to look at, no person of power or outward influence. Why are they wasting my time? I almost hearing him begin the questioning in a half-hearted manner. I imagine that everybody who arrives before Pilate accused of something offers a defense, a rebuttal of the charges. Jesus says nothing in His defense. Everyone is against Him, and He says nothing. The crowd would rather have a murderer released than Him. And Pilate doesn’t have enough guts to do what is right. He caves in to pressure, the ruler afraid of the powerless.

And the soldiers have some unprofessional fun at Jesus’ expense. Abu Ghraib was not the first time soldiers did stupid things during a slow time. They were brutal. Torture! They finish their dirty deeds and lead him off to be crucified. And all this before nine AM. They say people in the Army get more things done before nine AM than most people get done during their whole day. I believe it.

No truer words were ever written over the head of a condemned criminal. Jesus was their king and they rejected His kingship. And then the crowd joins in the insults. The religious leaders continue to try to discredit Him before all the people. This is their last chance to quite Him and discount His message. They challenge Jesus for a miraculous sign. He would not be manipulated. The crowd even gathers to see if the miraculous happens. But instead of chariots from the clouds or fire breathing dragons, Jesus dies.

Not all soldiers show disrespect toward Jesus. The Commander on the scene of His crucifixion knows that Jesus’ death is no ordinary death. Like the women who watched from a distance, his heart was moved. We don’t know how far it was moved, but in that moment he responded.

Pilate is surprised by Jesus rapid death. Often people could linger for days in agony. If they needed the cross for the next execution they would break the legs of the current occupant of the cross to hasten death. They could no longer life themselves to breath. Death came quickly. Jesus was dead before the expected time. He gave up His life.

Jesus’ body is prepared and placed in a rock tomb, not the usual place for a condemned criminal. They would normally be disposed of in a mass grave, or their bodies would be left for animals to devour.